'No, they're trying to fly that tank'

Oh Internet...I do want to keep this blog up to date, I really do! It's just...that...well...I'm lazy! Its that simple. I'm going to watch a movie so fantastic that I practically want to stop strangers on the street late at night to detail how Marion Cotillard is the Grace Kelly of our generation or just so horrible that I want to yell the ending when I exit the movie theater (yes, fellow theatre-goer-in-line-for-the-next-showing, I'm that bitch! mouahaha!). But by the time I get to my computer, its more like 'Okay, blogging...is that a new episode of Secret Diary of a Call Girl?'

Basically, I always ALWAYS have an opinion about the movies I watch...just can't seem to get them down on virtual paper fast enough. Maybe I would be more proactive with this whole thing if I had an Iphone...anybody feel like making me a present? Yeah, didn't think so! Until good ol' Santa comes around, here is a four-pack to keep you happy!

The A-Team (dir. Joe Carnahan)

- Why its SO much fun to watch: Tanks fly, stuff blows up (and we all know how much I love that!), Patrick Wilson playing a smug bastard, Sharlto Copley getting some much deserved space in the spotlight, general non-stop action featuring kick ass actors pulling off stunts so insane they make you giddy.

- Why plot holes don't matter: Stuff. Blows. Up. This is where the marvel of this movie lies, just one good old grade A (team! ha!) summer movie. Besides, Jessica Biel as a top ranking military officer named CHARISSA? The story is not even believable from the start!

Bottom line: See it! Before the weather cools down!

Fatal Attraction (dir. Adrian Lyne)

- Hello, 1987 called, it wants its movie back?: Okay yes, this movie was out in theaters when I was still in diapers, but I don't care. I DON'T CARE! As I sat on my couch one lovely Sunday morning, eating chocolate croissants with my roomate and watching this timeless thriller, I though: 'this classic is too good for 'Saturday Night Thrillers on A&E'! It should be watched regurlary because its simple genius does not diminish with every viewing.

- Why its genius is simple: the movie's plot is linear and not burdened with numbers of plot twists and prefers to rely on atmosphere (gloomy settings and musical cues such as the wonderful 'Madame Butterfly') and the actors, Michael Douglas, for whom we manage to feel sympathy for, despite some douchiness on his part, and Glenn Close, whose performance probably still haunts some people's nightmares.

Bottom line: Every one on the planet should see this movie when they turn 18: Don't fuck around or it's going to come back, bite you in the ass and then boil your bunny (boo!).

Inception (dir. Christopher Nolan)

- *Lack of words to describe the movie's brilliant awesomeness*: Christopher Nolan...the many architectural and complex levels of the dream world...Stuff...blowing up...AND creating beautiful imagery...Insane acting that takes your breathe away....*huge smile of contentment*

- Why this movie is a MUST: Because Christopher Nolan has finished what he started when he made Memento and delivered a 21st-century masterpiece, equally human drama and mind-blowing-yet-not-so-extravagant-that-I-kinda-believe-it science-fiction, wrapped up in a scenery made of live-action paintings. And stuff blows up. Dude!

Bottom line: If it isn't done already, get your ass up and see it now. Or see it this winter, when Warners Bros. reissues the film in theaters during their big Oscar push for it (like there is any doubt this will happen!!).

Chloe (dir. Atom Egoyan)

-What the Who? Two brownie points if you know what movie I am referring to. While it is somewhat under the radar, Egoyan's latest opus about a woman who, convinced her husband is cheating on her, hires a young and mysterious escort to test his fidelity is worth a see, simply because it doesn't go down the usual cliché road. Also, Julianne Moore and Amanda Seyfried give understated yet hauting performances which make this Fatal Attraction-esque movie even more believable.

Bottom line: Not one to miss if you are a fan of Egoyan's work (this girl is...I'm still haunted by Ararat...)

And that's it for now! As always, I promise to try to come back more often and let you know what I think, even if you don't care to hear it. Maybe this time, I'll keep my.....ouh! Is that a new episode of Entourage??

'Quit being a pussy' + 'You do know what you are drinking is meant for eye surgery'

Hello Internet! Have you missed me? Probably not, so I don't have to feel guilty about my lack of motivation. The holidays have brought me something (other than general cheeriness and a constant state of fullness) that I have seldom have these last few months and that I find very necessary for keeping up this blog: time. And so, to excuse my absent behavior, I present an offering: a double-header.

First on the list, Marc Webb's (500) Days of Summer. In a nutshell: your typical indie-romance-hero, the adorable and quietly quirky late 20s guy, meets your typical indie-romance-fair lady, a distinctive beauty, assertive and who's got life figured out, or so she thinks. Subtle and artistic displays of emotions ensue, set to the music of the usual suspects, in this case The Smiths, Carla Bruni and Feist, to name a few.

This movie could be the poster child for indie romance flicks. Therefore, one cannot help feeling that one has seen this movie already, over and over again. However, I have to point out that in this case, casting had a stroke of genius with its choice of Joseph Gordon-Levitt for the lead. This actor's whole performance is based on genuine understanding of the character he's playing, as if he personnally knew that guy and was simply channeling him. As for Zooey Deschanel, well, she fulfilled every requirements of the genre...period.

All in all, enjoyable for its original storytelling and uncharacteristic ending, which still reeks of indie. Props must be given to the wise character of the piece, who in the case is the prepubescent sister of the hero...clever.

Next in the spotlight: the much anticipated Sherlock Holmes

The build-up for Guy Ritchie's flick was huge. The bar was set high. And Sherlock Holmes almost meets the general expectaction. Almost.

The legendary detective and is sidekick, Dr. Watson, are on the case when a renegade lord who dabbles in the black arts refuses to stay dead and threatens to TAKE OVER THE WORLD, i.e. England and the colony in north america they just lost (really?). On top of that, Holmes must lean to cope with the imminent loss of his BFF to matrimony.

Over the years, Ritchie has developped his own sub-genre. I'm happy to say that it fits on the story of Sherlock Holmes like a glove. Ritchie succeeds in creating a universe that's Victorian-ly glum with a hint of danger constantly lurking in the shadows. Props go to Hans Zimmer for the music, reminiscent to some of his previous work, the Pirates of the Carribean soundtrack.

SH's major flaw? The dishvelled plot. Truly, it takes more than one viewing to catch all the essential elements of the story scattered here and there. Also, one can appreciate the great chemistry between Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law, but when it bests the ones each have with their respective love interest (Rachel McAdams and Kelly Reilly)...well, it isn't so farfetched now to think that Holmes and Watson's bromance is a little more than that.

But the action/adventure movie fan in me can't help but shout 'Oh shut up, this movie was fun from A to Z!!!' And it was. So I'm gonna listen and shut up!

Je suis une torpille-pille-pille

Biopics are a big seller these days and its no different in France, especially after the captivating La Vie en Rose got an Oscar for its star, the equally mesmerizing Marion Cotillard. One would hope (with good reason) that Coco avant Chanel would be as meaningful, since it centers on the greatest fashion icon the world has known and stars Audrey Tautou, the darling of the French silverscreen, in a role outside her usual range (Cotillard was also in new territory when she portrayed La Môme). Unfortunately, I doubt this flick will have the same resounding impact.

The title says it: Its Coco before Chanel. Therefore, the film focuses on the years leading up to Gabrielle 'Coco' Chanel (Tautou) becoming a household name. Dropped off unceremoniously at the age of 9 at an orphanage with her sister by their destitute father, Coco goes through life with one lasting goal: to be rich and successful, and consequently independent. One night at the obscure cabaret where she and her sister perform their singing act brings her in the company of Étienne Balsan (Benoît Poelvoorde) a millionnaire playboy. And so begins one of the most important relationships of her life. As his mistress, Coco enjoys the comfort of wealth but also develops an interest in fashion, preferring simplicity and masculine lines to the popular corsets and extravagant dresses of the time. Through Balsan, she will also meet Arthur 'Boy' Capel (Alessandro Nivola), her first real love...

To describe this flick, the first word that comes to mind is 'standard'. The storyline is your basic girl-tries-to-lift-herself-from-obscurity-then-falls-in-love-and-suffers-various-tragedies and does certainly not revolutionize the genre. As the story ends with Coco Chanel's first fashion show, we feel that the movie cuts short, just when it's about to get really interesting. Incidentally, the most shocking and noteworthy events in Chanel's life occured after she made the big time. But as the title states, this is a story of how she came to be this great icon. However, I'm not quite sure why writer and director Anne Fontaine opted to explore mainly her relationships with men. Surely, one cannot deny the impact they had on her creative style, but it really feels as if fashion took a backseat on this ride. Only occasionnaly do we see how Coco was influenced and how gradually she established her own fashion ideas. If you ask me, if you are doing a movie about Coco Chanel, you're gonna want to explore how and why she become so iconic and not how she loved (or not loved) and lost.

The movie's redeeming quality? Its star. Audrey Tautou really stepped outside her comfort zone and embodied a cynic, layered and often melancholy woman. Folks, we are miiiiiiles away from Amélie Poulain. She is entirely convincing (without needing a complete makeover, no less!) as Coco and gives a frank and powerful performance. Her looks and manners convey half the dialogue of this piece. In the final scene, looking every bit like the Coco Chanel known worldwide and dressed in one of her famous tailleurs, Ms. Tautou is the epitomy of poise and dignity. The impression that she is actually channeling the designer is enough to send shivers down your back.

On the subject of Audrey Tautou, thank god she decided to be an actress because if she choose singing as a profession, her performance of 'Coco à Trocadéro' clearly indicates that she would have remained in total obscurity!

Pot is not drugs. Its a flower.

Internet, I'm a big fan of Mike Judge's humor. And my answer is always a huge resounding YES to Jason Bateman. Add Mila Kunis and J.K Simmons, an actress on a comedic rise and a veteran who you can always rely on for laughs, to the mix and you'd think you would get something that would make you want to lick the bowl. You'd think...

Extract tells the story of Joel (Bateman), the owner of a factory that produces various extracts, and the growing chaos that surrounds his life. While stuck in a ho-hum routine at work and surrounded by dimwitted employees, he must deal with a frigid, jogging-pants-wearing wife (Kristen Wiig) and one hell of an annoying neighbor (David Koechner, or I've-seen-this-guy-before-but-where?) back home. However, the degree of shitiness hits a new high for Joel when one of his employee loses a testicule in a freak work accident. Half Eunuch (Clifton Collins Jr.) is pushed into suing the company by a beautiful con artist (Kunis) posing as a new temp at the factory, who Joel incidentaly wants to nail. But how could Joel, always-do-the-right-thing Joel manage to do this without feeling guilty? By hiring a gigolo (the suprisingly effective Dustin Milligan) to have an affair with his wife, of course! Now add a shaggy-haired, drug-pushing best friend (Ben Affleck) to the plot and....are you still following me?

You gotta feel for Mike Judge. This guy gave us Office Space, an instant cult classic, in 1999. 10 years later, he has still not managed to achieve that kind of success again. Until now? Not exactly, but it certainly was a good effort. It certainly doesn't do any good that one can't help comparing it to Office Space. For example, its easy to associate Nathan, Koechner's insipid bore of a neighbor, to Office Space's oddball Milton. Since Nathan gets about the same amount of respect than Milton, you'd expect for him to have a similarly hilarious meltdown. The end result is sadly predictable and falls flat. This is one of many instances where the writing, though funny, was lacking a bit of zinger, or biting wit or whatever you want to call it. Also, Gene Simmons' turn as the lawyer was way too short.

The kicker in all this? Dustin Milligan can act. Who knew?..Unless being stupid and douchey comes...nope, this one is just waaaaay too easy...

SHUSH!

Internet, moving is a real bitch. But the upside is living with someone with a whole set of new movies you haven't seen yet! Enter Encino Man, a Les Mayfield 1992 movie that was lying around in our new trendy living room. After seeing it, it has now been kicked under the couch, never to emerge unless it it to be dropped from our third floor balcony. Seriously!

Encino Man is about two high school buddies (Sean Astin and Pauly Shore) on the verge of graduating and desperate for one last chance at popularity. While digging in his backyard to make a pool (which of course, will then make him uber popular), Dave (Astin) accidentally uncovers a frozen caveman (Brendan Fraser in George of the Jungle mode). In an expected but still very odd turn of events, Caveman becomes the cool kid in school and helps Dave and Stoney achieve all their adolescent dreams.

I'm not gonna beat around the bush here.WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS CRAP! Both main characters are absolute losers (see Dave's tactic in trying to convince the girl of his dreams that they belong together by showing her naked baby pics of them) to the point where you don't really care if they evolve, succeed or simply get run over by Stoney's ugly scooter. Brendan Fraser, who looks less like a caveman than a hippie who went down the mud slope at Woodstock, basically jumps around, makes faces and eats dog food...clearly not his best work. And of course, there has to be the Big Bad Jock who has it in for Dave, but in this case, he looks like a cheap version of Vanilla Ice (however, it was 1992...) and his best diabolical plan is to expose to everyone at prom that Dave's hip buddy is a prehistoric caveman...yeah boy, you won't look like a total douchebag when that comes out of your mouth!

Coming from Les Mayfield (Flubber, Code Name: The Cleaner), you can't really expect something digestible, but Encino Man is simply craptacular. And NOT the so-bad-its-now-a-cult-movie craptacular. The BAD kind of craptacular.

I wish to end this note with a message to Pauly Shore: HOW DID YOU EVER MANAGE TO HAVE A CAREER??? Watching the likes of you in this movie made me decide to throw a monster party the day you will retire. Please make my day and tell me I can go buy the balloons RIGHT NOW!

There's no doubt, Encino Man belongs with the mothballs under my couch.

Guh!

I know what you are thinking, Internet. «Oh FC, why the hell do you keep watching these bound-to-be craptacular, cookie-cutter romantic comedies?» Because I am an optimist, that's why. Everytime I purchase my movie ticket, I can't help but think «This time, it's gonna be different. This time, I won't feel like eating the seat in front of me out of sheer boredom because THIS ONE is going to think outside the box». At least, that's what I though right before seeing The Ugly Truth. Ha! Ha Ha Ha HA HA HA......oy. Seriously, my patience with this genre is dwindling.

When the morning news show she produces at a local Sacramento TV station is faced with poor ratings, neurotic tight-ass Abby (Katherine Heigl) is forced to put up with a new provocating (and ratings-raising) segment on the show called The Ugly Truth, and its presenter, the rude and crude Mike (Gerard Butler). Sparks flies as these two opposites verbally spar as they try to cohabite in the same working environment and, you guessed it, eventually fall for each other. WHAT ELSE IS NEW???

Once again, my (destroyed) hopes were not unfounded for this romantic comedy. Helmed by Robert Luketic, director of the fresh and entertaining Legally Blonde, this flick stars Heigl, an actress capable of being foxy while simultaneously making a fool of herself, and Butler, whose mix of baby blue eyes and scruffiness fits right into the genre. However, even Heigl and Butler re-enacting the whole dance sequence at the end of Slumdog Millionaire wouldn't be able to save a flick like this one, aka a flick plagued with a poor excuse of a script

Let me get this straight: She's the mother of all control freaks whose idea of the perfect man is basically the hero of a Harlequin romance. He's at the emotional level of a caveman and this close to being slapped with a sexual harassment suit (but wait, he does care very much for his nephew, who shows up conveniently during the movie. Aaaawe). Throughout the story, they both remain the same, yet at the beginning, they can't stand each other and 1h37 min. later, they're completely in love. Riiight! Maybe that would be believable if there was ANY KIND OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, but no. Apparently, all it took was some bad salsa dancing (on a side note, the producer who insisted on putting that scene in the movie should be fired).

(Warning: incoming obvious play on the title). Here's the ugly truth about this movie: there were a few decent comedy bits. Sadly, this is a typical case of all-the-best-parts-are-in-the-trailer. And Gerald Butler might be hot enough for romantic comedies, but watching him in this was almost akward. Let the man get back to his guns, or at least his scottish accent.

By the way, you know you've made it in Hollywood when your 30 second appearance in the movie is worth the «and Kevin Connolly» type of billing. Congrats, E!

Excuse me, I have to go vomit

First off, I must declare myself a moderate Harry Potter fan. Meaning I read all the books a long time ago, liked most of them, but barely remember what happened in them. Meaning that while watching Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the following happened on more than one occasion: 'Wait a sec, he died/was captured/is going out with her? Since when? What?' However, this did not stop me one bit from enjoying what I can honestly say is the best Harry Potter installment yet.

Detailing the story of the famous boy wizard would be utterly pointless at this time since everybody and their pet fish knows the tale by J.K. Rowling. Instead, here are the newest plot points brought on by The Half-Blood Prince: Baddie Voldemort and his dark minions are no longer in hiding and having a ball spreading rampage wherever they go, Harry is enlisted by Dumbledore to help him in a mysterious quest linked to Tom Riddle aka Prebuscent Voldemort and new Potions Prof Horace Slughorn, Draco Malfoy is given a dark side-project and Harry, Ron, Hermione and Co.'s teenage hormones kick into high gear. In a nutshell.

What makes the sixth Harry Potter so superior to the previous five? For my part, I believe it is because of its focus on characters rather than the plot. For once, the protagonists feel more like average teenagers than heroes and villains. From one of the earliest scenes where Harry is being flirted with by a muggle waitress in a diner, you can feel that this one is going to be different. The boys say stupid things, the girls are obsessed with love potions. Tempers flare, hearts are broken...sound familiar? And perhaps that is exactly why this time, it is so easy to relate to the principal players. They are not simply trying to vanquish evil anymore. They are battling dark forces AND growing up at the same time. Most of us already experienced at least one of those things.

Therefore, props must go to Steve Kloves for his clever and well structured script (*braces self for attack of legion of Potter fans enraged with the absence of extensive parts of the book*) that allows character growth without sacrificing the plot. Props also go to cinematographer Bruno Delbonnel for his lively, yet intimate camera work. Finally, a previous statement made after viewing the horribly dull Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix must be retracted: David Yates, your approach to the Potter series no longer makes me want to projectile vomit. In fact, you are brilliant. Saying that this is an impressive turnaround is an understatement.

Its nice to see the young players finally have the chance, after almost a decade in the same characters' shoes, to stretch their acting skills (Yay Steve Kloves and David Yates!). Some really went further than their usual interpretations, notably Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson (kind of) and especially Tom Felton. Some others *cough Bonnie Wright cough* did not. As always, the veterans (Maggie Smith, Michael Gambon, Alan Rickman, Julie Walters, etc.) are up to their usual standard. An extra thumbs up goes to the wonderful Jim Broadbent, newcomer to the series, and the delightfully excentric Helena Bonham-Carter. Keep an eye out for young Mr. Frank Dillane. His turn as the creepy and calculating Tom Riddle is dead on. Kid is gonna be a star, mark my words!

Finally, for those of you who remember seeing the very first Potter movie in theaters, I dare you not to feel reaaally old when you notice how these darn kids have grown! Ugh!